ok.. i noe i havent been blogging for quite a while.. but i've been thinking alot lately.. erm.. as usual im always thinking.. but sometimes i really wonder if what goes thru my head is useful or juz plain crap.. lol.. anw.. i havent really tasted the true essence of life.. like how i used to when i wasnt so exposed to the world.. now i really understand and appreciate my primary skool days.. when i was not exactly exposed to the outside world and where my world mainly comprised of study.. very possibly thats e reason y i could put my heart and soul into wad i was doing..

when new and more interesting things steps into ur life, u'll feel that the old things start to lose its interesting edge and u shift ur focus to the other more fun stuff.. and prolly thats where i started to lose my interest and passion for studying.. which explains y my grades plummeted..

its really hard if u have to support urself when u dun really noe how to face and overcome ur worst nightmare.. u're all alone..

somehow or rather the things happening around me havent been really registered into my head.. which is so unlike me last time.. and it was ocip that alerted me about this "problem" i kinda developed.. unwillingly.. yes, im glad ocip happened as a form of remedy for my problem.. and no, im sad that i missed out the entire experience altogether.. its seriously a pity.. and everything i look up at the sky.. it somehow reminds me of the day we departed for ocip.. we amongst the skylit clouds.. i couldnt feel wad i would normally feel!!! darn sad la.. i guess my life's like kinda stuck at that point.. yea.. im both glad and sad it happened..

when i was in p5/6, or maybe even earlier, i had this strange thing in my mind.. something indescribable, and e closet i can get is by describing it as black and white.. i dunno what it means, up to today, when i hope ive finally realised it.. man.. im in j2 now.. and that happened in p5?

ok.. thats was e emo part.. oh and seriously.. thinking too much and too deep really promotes migraine.. im serious.. but i cant help it.. u tink i wanna think so much? i juz wanna relief myself from the dire plight im in.. thats all.. i wanna return to life and enjoy the most out of it.. and at the same time being God-oriented.. otherwise everything that had happened which wasnt to would be completely rendered futile, in vain..

ok.. now to the earth part.. went to pulau ubin to cycle with the odacians on fri.. my 1st time cycling in ubin.. yep.. tot we could dodge the mozzies from attacking us cos we would most of the time be moving.. but.. in ubin.. the mozzies r the king of the island.. wonder how the ppl living in the island can tahan the mozzies.. or it seems like dey dun even get bitten liddat.. lol.. ubin's a really fun place to cycle.. the terrain's like so unlike ECP la.. pasir ris la.. ubin owns all la.. the terrain is simply darn shiok to cycle.. but of cos safety 1st la.. thank goodness dere was a group of cyclists who attended to our aid when someone was terribly injured.. yea.. started to rain at ard 6pm and it was really cool to cycle in the rain.. i mean like.. how often do u get to do that? haha.. oh my.. the downhills r simply irresistable la!! i wouldnt mind going back up juz to enjoy that few seconds of sheer fun and excitement.. now u dun get that in Singapore.. lol..

everything that happens in life is only fully redeemed if u lived it in that moment... if u lived it 100%.. otherwise it will never be fully redeemed..

life is constantly on the move, and one day we'll leave e face of the earth, so being too nostalgic isnt really a good idea..

tho things might be happening and i might seem to respond to them, i cant fully feel the expericence... i wonder who's has been in my shoes b4...

im torn apart, God and the world...... someone help me..... pls...

john ho jun wei
male
17
5-9-89
B+
Hougang-Kovan
johnny757@hotmail.com
rmps, sas(up and on!), tpjc
odacian
chinese

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